In this blog post, I am experimenting with ways both action and dialogue are used to compose a scene in a story. To do so, I recreated a scene from a chapter in Tobias Wolff's novel The Night in Question and then a very-recent-and-interesting moment from my personal life and worked with both elements. Take a read:
Action Scene from The Night in Question by Tobias Wolff It is a harrowing scene… an event, something so mundane as a routine trip to the bank, that took such a dark and frightening turn. Anders, a man in line of about 60 who'd been standing in line behind two women, much younger than himself, has witness much of robbers' activity as one of them had ordered one of the tellers to fill up a bag with all the cash they had. "There ya go!" says Anders, with an unusual smirk on his face. "Justice is served." As the woman turns and looks at him with an annoyed look on her face, one of the masked bandits rushes over to him and barks, "Hey, Bright Boy! Did I tell ya to talk?" "No." "Then shut your trap!" the robber declares. "Did you hear that?" says Anders. "'Bright Boy!' Right out of 'The Killers!'" "Hey, you deaf or what?" the masked robber asks, annoyed, as he pokes the muzzle of his pistol firmly into the man's stomach, almost tickling him. In order to resist the urge to explode into laughter, Anders stares into the bandit's sea blue eyes, both of which are plainly visible beneath the holes of his black ski mask. "You like me, Bright Boy? You wanna suck my dick?" wonders the annoyed robber. "No," replies Anders. "Then quit looking at me!" But then Anders, smiled a little — an idea had crossed his mind. "But I would, however, like to do this!" With that being the only warning Anders gave, Anders tackled the robber to the ground. Everyone, even the other robbers themselves, looked on in shock, no one from either side knowing whether they should flee or intervene as Anders and the blue-eyed robber were both on the floor, engaged in a mad-scramble for the gun. With the robbers distracted, a few of the customers and tellers fled the bank undetected. "Give me this shit!" Anders scowled. "Never in a million years, Bright Boy!" the robber scoffed. As the two continued to wrestle, the whole bank became a free-for-all. A few tellers and customers pounced on robbers, getting the jump on them. As Anders' opponent even took note of this, he became even more enraged. In one swift motion, the blue-eyed robber landed a well-placed kick to the gut, sending him sprawling backward without the gun, which was in the robber's hand. He then walked over to a defeated Anders, the gun trained right on his face. "All that for nothin', Bright Boy!" the robber taunted with a mirthless smile on his face. Then, the robber pulled the trigger. BANG! Anders was dead with a single gunshot wound to the forehead. My Own Personal Action Scene I am downtown at Central Philadelphia, at Jefferson Station waiting for the train, having just come from a doctor's appointment. Waiting at Jefferson, Suburban, or 30th Street Stations for a Regional Rail to return home, is like a semi-fun gambling game for me. This is just my personal preference, but I prefer the Silverliner 4 cars over the Silverliner 5 cars. The Silverliner 4 trains look much more beautiful, feel more comfortable to ride, and have a more of a "relaxing" vibe to them, and I've seen them in the movies. The Silverliner 5 trains have more of an uncomfortable, "industrial" vibe to them. As I wait on the platform for my train, patiently, I hopefully wonder to myself if I'm going to be riding a Silverliner 4, which I do every time I'm here. It has to be one of the two. The waiting time winds down. A Hispanic woman, relatively close to my age but a bit older, sits next to me on the bench. "Headed home?" she asks. "Yep!" I respond. From there, she and I continue this into a casual conversation, until our train arrives about less than a minute later. I stare down into the darkness of the trackway, its approaching golden lights growing brighter and brighter… until I can actually see the train at this point… and unfortunately, it's a Silverliner 5! I let out a grunt of dismay as we board the train (myself, and the many other passengers who were waiting for it). "I freakin' hate these trains," I sigh. "Why?" the woman asks, right behind me. "I just like the Silverliner 4 cars better," I said, in a flat tone, sounding a little bitter. "So do I," she says. "The old ones are a little faster." I grin half a smile. I was glad to have had someone who shares my opinion about the Silverliner 5 trains. There's always next time, I think to myself as I get off the train. I come into the city on the trolley and come back on the train on a frequent basis. It makes me feel better to think the logical scenario that I may be luckier next time than I am today—that my next train will be a Silverliner 4.
7 Comments
coleman clark
9/21/2018 06:58:31 am
I never really thought about the different trains and how they ride, you hade some good thoughts and dialog.
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marquita
9/22/2018 05:20:43 pm
I just knew your post was going to be up, so I came to your page first. Your train rides seem exciting. Every time I had to catch public transportation it spells, people at you like your crazy, and theirs someone walking through the begging or selling.
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Sabatino
9/24/2018 07:34:44 am
Marquita comments on your writing process here, right. She knew your approach is productive and would lead to this writing assignment being posted well before the deadline.
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Amir
9/24/2018 04:57:46 pm
Hello, Sab.
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Katina
9/24/2018 12:23:09 pm
I was very interested in reading your blog posts. They are put together very well, especially the scene from your own life. You provided a lot of description which allowed for me to really understand the scene! Great job.
Reply
Amir
9/24/2018 04:52:51 pm
Thank you, Katina!
Reply
Sabatino
9/26/2018 10:45:03 am
Thanks for the insights into your story choices.
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